


Empty Gold

by the_ocean_burned



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, But still fluff??, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kissing, Ronan is a lil ball of angst, idk - Freeform, sad shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 04:46:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6180685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_ocean_burned/pseuds/the_ocean_burned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam and Ronan work out their issues as far as the awkwardness will allow. I don't even know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Empty Gold

“I thought you’d be here.”

Ronan looked up from his bloody knuckles. Actually, his entire arm was bloody, and he wasn’t quite sure how that had happened. Adam was standing in front of him, one hand on his hop and the other clasped around the handle of a clear plastic first aid kit.

“Who else is with you?” Ronan’s voice was rough and cold; he did his best to piss Adam off and make him leave.

It didn’t work. He sat down on the floor of the barn and set the kit beside Ronan. “No one else is here. None of the others thought you’d be stupid enough to go to the Barns since it’s illegal.” Adam rolled his eyes and began rummaging through the case. “They obviously underestimate your disregard for the law.”

Ronan scoffed. “That’s normal. So, why exactly are you here?”

Adam shrugged, pulling disinfectant wipes from the kit and setting them to the side. “I figured you’d be an idiot enough to make hurt yourself one way or another, so I decided to make sure you didn’t bleed to death. It was a good idea on my part, by the look of it.”

Ronan didn’t miss the fact that Adam had answered a completely different question than the one he had been asked. “I didn’t ask why you brought medical supplies, Parrish, I asked why you bothered looking for me.”

Adam sighed and set a roll of gauze beside the wipes, his hands curling like small animals in his lap. “Because I was worried, alright? IT’s hard not to be when you disappear off the face of the planet for three days. Gansey’s on the verge of calling a private investigator.”

Ronan rolled his eyes. “And now _why_ would you be worrying about me? I thought you hated my guts. I was under the impression that you thought I was just another worthless bastard. Your words, not mine.”

Adam had the decency to look ashamed, at least, as he lowered his eyes from Ronan’s face to the old wood of the floor. “Look, about that. I was angry and I didn’t—”

Ronan sighed and waved a hand dismissively, shaking his head. “Don’t even. Don’t give me that bullshit about how you didn’t mean it, because you and I both know you did.”

Adam pursed his lips angrily, hands curling into fists. “It’s not reason to go and disappear and scare the shit out of everyone, whether I meant it or not!”

Ronan laughed at that, but it was the sort of laugh that someone gave if they were tired emotionally. There was no humor to the sound whatsoever. “You sure think a lot of yourself, don’t you? Did it ever even occur to you that maybe, just _maybe,_ you weren’t the reason I ‘disappeared?’”

Adam seemed shocked, which only served to piss Ronan off further. “You didn’t—I’m not?”

Ronan sighed through his nose and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall behind him. “No, Parrish, you’re not. Well, not the sole reason, anyway. You certainly didn’t help, though.”

“And what does that mean, exactly?” Adam’s tone was too scathing for Ronan to let it pass. He opened his eyes and glared at Adam.

“What does it matter to you? You’ve never cared, so why do you all of a sudden give a fuck?”

“Because I was more than a little freaked out when you dropped off the face of the planet! You looked like shit when you left after I yelled at you, and I was worried—” Adam fell silent abruptly, his eyes flicking to Ronan’s bloody wrist and then to the ground.

With a sick feeling balling in the pit of his stomach, Ronan knew with a horrible certainty _exactly_ what Adam had been worried about.

“And what if I had?” Ronan’s voice was deadly quiet, his eyes narrowed angrily. “What if you had found me bleeding out by the side of the road or floating face down in a river? What would you have done if you’d found me hanging from the ceiling by my neck when you walked in? What would you have done about it, Parrish?”

Adam’s eyes were wide and he looked upset, Ronan noted with grim satisfaction. “I don’t… I don’t know.”

Ronan sneered. “Then why did you come looking for me, Parrish, if you weren’t prepared for what you might’ve found? If you’d been a few hours later hell, you might’ve found me dead, for all I know.”

Ronan’s voice was bitter and annoyed, each word meant to be a knife to kill Adam a little bit at a time. Adam’s eyes were wide and he was gaping at Ronan, so he figured it was working at least moderately well.

“Ronan, what are you—I—”

“No. Don’t even fucking start. I don’t know why you decided to choose _now_ to start pretending you five a fuck, but you need to stop right now.” Ronan hissed, his upper lip curling into a snarl.

Adam sat and stared for a good ten minutes. They eye contact got uncomfortable after a few minutes, so Ronan closed his eyes again. He could still feel Adam’s horrified stare. There was an anxious silence for a while, before Adam reached out and grabbed Ronan’s still-bloody wrist. Ronan tried to pull away, but Adam tightened his grip and prevented the movement. Ronan hissed in pain, glaring balefully at Adam.

“Don’t be stubborn, Lynch.” Ada hissed, tearing open one of the disinfectant wipe’s packets with his teeth.

“Fuck off, Parrish.” Was Ronan’s growled response.

Adam sighed and started cleaning the excess blood off Ronan’s arm. It hurt like a bitch, but Ronan didn’t give Adam the satisfaction of knowing it was painful. They sat in tense, awkward silence as Adam cleaned Ronan up.

“You’re only human, you know.” Adam’s voice was quiet, nervous, as if he were afraid that Ronan would blow up in his face. Ronan’s chest tightened when he realized that that was probably the same tone he had taken with his father.

“No shit, Sherlock. It’s not like I’m a fucking lizard or some shit.” Ronan snapped.

Adam glared at him. “You know what I meant, Lynch.”

Ronan rolled his eyes. “Oh? I don’t think I do. Why don’t you enlighten me, Parrish?”

Adam sighed, like Ronan was testing his patience. Ronan knew he probably was. “I _meant_ that you’re allowed to be upset. It’s not like you have to pretend that you don’t have emotions; I know you do. You… You’ve been through a lot. You have plenty of reasons to be as distrustful as you are. But, you know. We’d listen. Gansey or Noah or Blue or I. If you need to let your emotions run rampant in a less self-destructive way, we’d all be willing to listen to you rant.”

The words were too clipped, too carefully chosen, to be unrehearsed, much less Adam’s own, and both Adam and Ronan knew it. Ronan snorted derisively. “Oh, really. And how many times did Gansey revise _that_ script for you?”

Adam sighed, setting the bloody wipe own. Now that there was less blood on Ronan’s arm, he could see three long, shallows slashes in his wrist. It looked like a small animal had clawed him.

“Fighting with hamsters now, Lynch?” Adam asked dryly. Ronan snorted.

“Apparently. I have no clue where that came from.” Ronan said. It was the truth, and Adam obviously knew it because he didn’t argue. Instead, he started wrapping the gauze around Ronan’s arm, careful that time not to cause any more pain that necessary.

“Seriously, though, you _can_ talk to me.” Adam added after a beat of hesitation.

Ronan rolled his eyes and shook his head, miffed. “Whatever. Give it a rest, Parrish.”

Adam pursed his lips, obviously exasperated. “No, I won’t ‘give it a rest.’ I’m serious. It sounds cliché, I know, but talking about it really does help. When you guys found out about my father, Gansey sat me down and made me talk. I didn’t like it at the time, but later on, it was a huge relief to know that I didn’t have to skirt around it or make up excuses and explanations for the bruises. It was nice to have the support, if that makes any sense.”

Adam trailed off and looked away, embarrassed. Ronan knew he didn’t like to talk about what had gone on between him and his father in that double-wide, so the fact that he had said that much—that he had gone that far to get Ronan to believe him—spoke volumes all on its own.

Unfortunately, it worked all too well. He had never been able to stand it when Adam looked so upset. In his dreams, the ones he always told himself never happened in the morning, he’d kiss Adam until that horrible, melancholy expression was transformed into red ears and a flustered smile.

In a brief, wild moment of lack of restraint, Ronan decided that that was _exactly_ what he was going to do.

Ronan reached forward and grabbed Adam’s face, pulling him closer. Adam tried to ask what was going on, but Ronan’s lips had connected with his before his mouth even got halfway opened.

The kiss only lasted a couple seconds; Ronan pulled away before Adam could shove him off. Adam hadn’t responded at all. He had just sat there, shocked. _Of course,_ Ronan thought bitterly, _why would he? I’m a guy. I’m_ me.

Adam’s ears were bright red and his eyes were wide. Ronan met his gaze unwaveringly, though his heart was going a mile a minute. He had just kissed Adam Parrish and he had no idea why he had thought it would be a good idea. It was not a good idea at all.

“What about now? Do you still want to _talk?”_ Ronan forced venom into his voice, though it was less potent than usual. Adam was still staring.

They watched each other longer than they probably should have by society’s common ideology. Ronan found a total of zero spare fucks to give, though, when Adam was watching him like that. After a while, though, Ronan sighed and looked away. “That’s what I thought. Finish whatever it is you wanted to do and go away.”

Adam was still staring. Ronan was just about ready to slap him or kiss him again; he wasn’t quite sure which. Ronan could almost see the gears turning in Adam’s head as he tried to figure out what exactly had just happened. After a while, Ronan leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes again, pretending that he couldn’t feel the weight of Adam’s gaze burning holes through his skull.

It was dead silent for a few more minutes and Adam finished bandaging Ronan’s arm, tying the gauze off neatly. He still didn’t say anything, and Ronan was torn between being uncomfortable and being concerned that he’d broken something in Adam. It was strange that he hadn’t responded at all. Ronan had expected to be yelled at, at the very least, and probably punched, but Adam had done neither. It was a little scary, and more than a little strange.

More time passed, and Adam just sat and stared. Eventually, Ronan couldn’t take it anymore and cracked his eyes open just enough to glare dully at Adam. “I thought I told you do go away.”

Adam slowly shook his head, his burning gaze locked on Ronan’s eyes. I’m not going anywhere. Not until I get an explanation, at least.” Adam’s voice was quiet but steady and firm.

Ronan sighed and sat up, shrugging a little, eyes fully open. Adam kept eye contact, and it was slightly unnerving. “I don’t know what there is to explain.”

He knew perfectly well what there was to explain, he just didn’t want to explain it.

Adam narrowed his eyes and the tips of his ears went red again. “You do, too, know what there is to explain.”

Ronan raised his eyebrows, doing his best to feign ignorance. “Oh, really? I don’t think I do, actually.”

The pink on Adam’s ears began to spread and he broke finally broke eye contact. Ronan found it half amusing and half annoying that Adam was so embarrassed about the situation.

“Why’d you kiss me?” Adam’s blush spread to his neck and it seemed to be more flustered by admitting it out oud, but the question was out there and Ronan couldn’t avoid it anymore.

Ronan sighed again and nudged Adam’s shin lightly with his foot. “You don’t want to know, really.”

Adam glared indignantly at Ronan and shook his head. “I’m pretty fucking sure I do want to know, Lynch. You _kissed_ me. You’d better have a fucking reason.”

Ronan snorted, shrugging again. “To an extent.”

“Ronan Lynch.” Adam had clearly learned something from Gansey because his tone carried the same sort of warning that Ronan just couldn’t ignore that Gansey’s did oh-so-often.

“Alright, alright. Don’t turn into Gansey, for fuck’s sake.” Ronan relented.

That did make Adam smile, but Ronan had been backed into a corner. He couldn’t just _not_ explain, since he had said he would. He lived by two of his father’s rules, primarily: _don’t lie_ and _keep your promises._ Adam knew he had Ronan trapped, too, if the smug little smirk on his face was anything to go by.

Ronan sighed and looked away, knowing that there was no way in hell he’d be able to say it out loud if he had maintained eye contact. Adam just sat silently and waited, his half-wary expectation weighing down on Ronan’s shoulders like a bear.

“I… I may or may not have had a ridiculously pointless schoolgirl obsession type thing with you for the last few months.” Ronan muttered mulishly, arms crossed.

Adam’s eyes went wide to the point that Ronan could see the whites of his eyes through peripheral vision. The silence was tense and heavy, thick with emotions Ronan didn’t want to take the time to identify. After a little while of that suffocating silence, Ronan snapped.

“I _told_ you! I told you that you didn’t want to know. I told you to go away. I knew that this bullshit would happen. I knew it. When will you learn not to go looking for an answer you don’t want?”

Adam just sat and stared, still wide-eyed. It was as if Ronan’s words had stopped all brain processes. _Adam.exe is not responding. Windows is looking for a solution._

Ronan sneered and stood up, fiddling with his leather wrist bands. He moved to walk away, but Adam’s hand around his fingers stopped him.

“What?” snarled Ronan, all defensive verbal barbs and sharp edges. His shield had fallen for a moment too long and he’d been too vulnerable in front of the one person he’d sworn to himself he’d be strong for.

Adam shook his head and tugged Ronan back down to sit beside him. “You’re not storming out on me after _that.”_

Ronan growled and yanked his hand from Adam’s. The touch was too close to something he knew he couldn’t have—something he wouldn’t let himself even so much as _hope_ to have. “And what if I do? _Why do you care?”_

Adam was silent again for a beat, but disrupted the quiet before Ronan could that time. “Because you’re not the only one.”

Ronan’s blood went cold for a moment before fire replaced it in rushing through his veins. “What are you talking about?”

Adam’s ears were going red again. “What you said before. You’re not the only one.”

Ronan swallowed, throat dry with sudden nervousness. “Which part? Which part of what I said?”

Adam hesitated. “The first part; before you got angry.”

Ronan felt a little guilty, but he was too busy being incredulous to dwell on it all that much. “You’re not fucking with me, are you?”

Adam snorted and rolled his eyes. His hand had found its way back to rest on top of Ronan’s. “Yes, I’m fucking with you. Of _course_ I’m not. I’m not that much of an asshole.”

Ronan didn’t know whether he wanted to punch something or bounce up and down like a five-year-old on a sugar high. He did neither. Instead, he opted for leaning forward and pressing his mouth to Adam’s again. This kiss was softer, sweeter, and gentler than the first one. Adam’s hands, soft palms and rough knuckles and fingernails that always seemed to have dirt or grease underneath them and those freckles on the backs of them that Ronan had always wanted to kiss, were cupping Ronan’s cheeks and pulling him closer. Ronan’s own hand was on the back of Adam’s neck.

They pulled apart slowly, both breathing a little heavier than before.

“Ronan,” Adam breathed. The sound of his name on Adam’s lips made Ronan shiver.

“Adam,” was his whispered response.

There was a pause and they both began to laugh. Ronan’s hand fell from Adam’s neck to tangle with his fingers. Neither of them let go for as long as they could get away with.

**Author's Note:**

> Blushy Adam and Ronan being a nerd. What has my life come to.


End file.
